Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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