Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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