Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my poor anus
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
