took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
