if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
