out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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