Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
