What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
