i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
