I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
