She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
two words: eviction party
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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