yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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