Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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