Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
