new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
