so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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