Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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