Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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