smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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