his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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