Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I enjoy the company of your penis
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize