Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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