I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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