we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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