My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
His nipple licking is glorious
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