I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
