i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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