happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
