that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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