I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
