Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
