yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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