This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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