I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love