Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.