I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
