Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
