Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
