dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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