6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
