Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
