i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
