And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
