Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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