I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
