i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
