woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
