I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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