you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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