just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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