it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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