Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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