literally had 100 drinks last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
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Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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