She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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