I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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