i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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