I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
