Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
