So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize