The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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