worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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