my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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