I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
